I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a dog with two dicks.

I’m about as happy as Kid in a candy store

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

A cheese and jam toastie? That couldn't be worse if you found out the filling was tiger blood and Susan Boyle's gash fromage

A cheese and jam toastie? That couldn't be worse if you found out there was a third ingredient and it was HATE

A cheese and jam toastie? That couldn't be worse if you were lactose intolerant, a diabetic, and had a wheat allergy.

A cheese and jam toastie? That couldn't be worse if you warmed the contents of a building site toilet and served it in a crusty corpse

A cheese and jam toastie? That couldn't be worse if you being orally pleasured by Stephen Hawkins

A cheese and jam toastie? That couldn't be worse if you ate it first, shat it out and served it along side your "special mayonnaise"..