I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a dog with two dicks.

I’m about as happy as Kid in a candy store

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

You want me to do what? I'd have more luck finding a 4 leaf clover in the pot of gold at end of a rainbow

You want me to do what? I'd have more luck convincing the pope that little boys arn't attractive

You want me to do what? I'd have more luck getting the Jackson 5 reunited

You want me to do what? I'd have more luck inseminating a minotaur

You want me to do what? I'd have more luck enjoying penetration from a rhinocerous

You want me to do what? I'd have more luck climbing Mt. Everest with a club foot