I’m about as happy as prince andrew in a pizza parlour

I’m about as happy as a nonce in a primary school

I’m about as happy as a paedophile in a playground

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

I’m about as happy as a crack addict

I’m about as happy as a vulture in a plague

I like my women like I like my Pokémon. Paralyzed.

I like my women like I like my ping pong balls - cheap, Asian and enjoy being slammed around for hours...

I like my women like I like my my piss, wet and warm.

I like my women like I like my Final Fantasy XIII - beautiful, engaging and with a 20 hour tutorial

I like my women like I like my bowling balls - hard, round and with room for three fingers

I like my women like I like my Pokemon - loyal, cute and they can be put back in their ball on command