I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a crack addict

My head is so all over the place, it feels like Lindsay Lohan's rehab program

My head is so all over the place, it feels like the Mars Rover if it was programmed with iOS5

My head is so all over the place, it feels like a chicken driving a tractor.

My head is so all over the place, it feels like a tornado

My head is so all over the place, it feels like a brand new episode of The Simpsons